by Midori

Let’s say you’ve got a hot play date coming up. You own some kinky toys and you’ve taken the skills classes. You want the scene to be mind-blowing.

But are you asking the necessary questions to make this happens?

These are some of the questions that can make the difference between ho-hum and fantastic. A bit of preparation makes the difference between fumbling and confidence.

Whatever your pre-play conversations are, consider adding the following questions to them.


1. First, before you even start to play or talk about play ~ ask yourself, “What am I really hungry for, right now, with this person?”

(Play for real passion, not for expectations.)

Now come the questions to ask your play partners. Remember to share your answers too.

2. Aftercare: What does each person need today for aftercare? This is for everyone, including the person topping!

(The right aftercare for each individual can really affect the lingering impression of the scene.)

a. Who do you want the aftercare from?

b. What does it look like? What does it entail?

c. Does it go in any phases I should know about?

3. What do you look like and sound like when it’s good for you?

4. What do you look like and sound like, when it’s not good for you?

(Great to add a layer of better mid-play communication.)

5. What kind of mood do we want to go to this time?

(The point of playing is to go to another mood together, isn’t it?)

If you’re playing with your long-time partner, try getting in the habit of always asking Questions 1 and 5.

This will help keep you out of the rut, keep your play fresh, exciting, and present when playing.

Once you get the hang of asking these frequently, you’ll be creating scenes that delight you and fulfill you

Here’s how I see it… The art of topping and art of dominance is an exciting lifelong journey with nuanced skills to be continually honed.


With Love and Lunacy,


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