Yes, this is what matters.

(Yes, if you’ve been to my rope classes and Rope Dojo, you’ve heard me say this a thousand times.)

For Rope Play, Kink, BDSM, and…

2011 Midori & Kumi in Phoenix. Photo by Rigor Mortis Dollhouse

There are moments in play, when a decisive action sets exactly the desired mood. In handling rope, when tying off a wrap or finishing a knot, do this. Make it happen. Then pause. Let the moment sink in. For both of you.

It’s not about force. Rely on force alone and you’ll lose the nuance and depth of the impact.

If you’re casting, make a decision of the moment. No doubt. Then stand solid, be grounded in all the ways. No hesitation. Put full focus into body moment that makes the cinch with gusto possible.

If you are receiving, feel the gusto and yield to your sensations. You don’t have to yield to the person casting, as that might not be the sort of play you’re doing, but do yield to your sensations and the truth of the moment.

Inching un-gusto action is simply annoying to the receiving. The un-gusto shabby movements tend to come from doubt that leads to hesitations, fear of mistakes, or misplaced need for unrealistic perfection. It’s an unkindness to all. It’s distracting and a waste of time.

Most mistakes are not mistakes. These are opportunities.

Cinch with gusto — and let’s say it’s too tight in that moment. In the very next instant, you loosen it with a single counter-movement. Now the two motions and sensations combine to one of awe and exhilaration.

If you don’t like what the gusto led to, fix it.

Cinch with gusto.

(you know we’re not just talking about rope now.)

• • •

Ok if you’re interested in the rope play that’s hot and deep, here’s where I teach it. I’m putting this in here because my assistant is making it put it in here. She really does have my best interest in mind — but I’ll admit, I feel corny doing this. But ok, yes, she’s right. That’s why she’s my assistant. and

oh and the book…

Image for post
Cover & pages from my book, Seductive Art of Japanese Bondage. Published in 2001, this was the first full English language instructional about Shibari. It seems funny now that back then, neither the publisher nor myself knew if the book would sell. Rope Bondage, especially shibari, was a very niche group pursuit outside of Japan, and not many people were keen on it in North America and Europe then.

Original Article