April 2, 2003

Firehorse Productions, Inc. and Midori's Newsletter April 2, 2003

Table of contents

  • Essay Draft "The Sexual Turn on of Objectifying Women"
  • Where to find back issues of this newsletter + Boston,SF,MN,AZ class this month
  • On-line community resource groups.
  • *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

    Dear Readers,
    It's been a while since I've released one of my essays here... so here's one that appeared recently in my monthly column for Spectator Magazine.
    Let me know what you think!
    Midori

    Column Title: "Babylon Bound" for Spectator Magazine
    Date: February 5, 2003
    Copyright: Midori 2003
    Working Title: The Sexual Turn on of Objectifying Women

    He's bound to the black leather-topped table. His face and humanity obliterated by the smooth contours of a leather mask.
    I tear at his vulnerable flesh with implements of intense passions.
    A moment ago, he was my dear companion and equal. Now he is meat. My meat.
    She is arching her back with strained grace through space in my web of ropes. I move her limb, just so, to accentuate the arc to please my aesthetics.
    She is beautiful.
    I make her comfortable.
    I am aware that I do this, not for her pleasure, but so that she may last longer and be more pliable to be the means to express my erotic vision.
    A moment ago, she was my dearest consort and fully actually human being. Now she is a raw canvas.
    My canvas.

    I had a sexual secret. It's not a secret anymore. It's a desire that I now know to present cautiously to others, because it's still very taboo.
    I am often turned on by objectifying my partners.
    Objectification of women. . . and men. But right now, my turn-on by the objectification of women is foremost on my mind.

    If I were younger, I'd feel more than a twinge of guilt as I admitted to this.
    I don't feel that so much now.
    The discomfort in my own emotion has faded to a curiosity. I do, however, take pleasure in witnessing the uncomfortable squirming of others as I utter this truth of my own sexuality.
    I know they are squirming because they've felt what I've described and aren't comfortable with it in themselves to admit, boldfaced, to such a desire.
    These days it's easy to explain why flogging, bondage and even heavier play such as piercings are such a turn on. We blame it on the neural chemicals and other physiological effects. It seems biologically accountable, and this makes us feel comfortable.
    We find justification of sexual acts in theories of organic prederminism of pleasure.
    Nonphysical taboos, such as sexual arousal from objectification of others or being objectified, still makes us nervous, because we can't explain it away. Because it's still politically incorrect, even within the SM / Leather / Fetish community, to acknowledge that we do things to strip away humanity from a person for pleasure and play.

    It is even more socially incorrect, causing some serious discomfort in people, when the objectification is of a woman, and worse still, by another woman.

    If I'm really a feminist as I claim to be, how could I do such a thing to another woman? Mustn't I always respect another woman and cherish her complexity? Isn't my desire and action an outward expression of some internalized self-loathing and misogyny? Do I have some sort of God complex?
    Answers respectively:
    With glee.
    Not if that's what the two of us want.
    No.
    Yes, in some ways, yes.
    Let me explain.

    Sex is one of the few arenas left to us "civilized" citizens of "First World" nations where we are permitted to indulge in the performance of primal drives. We are allowed a slim portion of our existence in sex, to play out the fundamental human psychological dramas.
    Sports is the other sanctuary for expressing profound honesty of our raw selves. In both worlds, we are permitted to show our teeth of aggression and bellies of subordenance.
    We spit, hiss, growl, compete, moan, touch, embrace, shudder and scream.
    We long to belong, hunger to conquer and are inexplicably driven to create beauty. We are all quite complex creatures with many layered needs and desires, many of which are at times at odds with another.
    I want to be respected for my complexity, yet I wish to be adored for some singular aspect of myself.
    I wish for a full and busy life, yet I crave simplicity and focus.
    I want to share in the responsibility of pleasure, yet I want to 'just get done' free of effort.
    I wish to honor equality, yet I feel a need for power and hierarchy. All I have mentioned applies to sex as well.
    This is simply to illustrate that we are conflicted and complex creatures. If I am to be self actualized as a woman and a feminist, I must own the conflicted nature of the self and claim my sexual pleasure, complexity and all. To do that, I must be open to all my own social discomforts that my lusts bring forth. Then I must find another person, whose desires and complexity dovetails with mine. If I wish to conquer flesh to get off, then I will find another who gets off by being conquered. The matter of force then retreats into the sanctioned arena of consensual sexuality.
    But why the objectification of other women? There's an inkling, deep inside me, that perhaps I seek this companionship in another woman because she might understand my needs better.
    Perhaps, in acting out the hunger to conquer, posses or create upon another flesh, I seek to express my own counter-part desire in the other woman, thus creating a fully balanced sphere of desire. Somewhere I become both her and I. The orgasm leaves me calmed, not simply for a physical need sated, but for creating a moment of balance and harmony of my own complexity.
    Then perhaps the dirty truth is I am both the top and the bottom for a moment. I am creating a universe of two people, where I determine the actions of both and my desires permeates both. I become, for a brief and fluttering instant omniscient. Then, for that very moment, in that small universe, am I not a god? I create a simplified and pure world reduced to lust and symbols. As a god, I have nothing else to worry about except to fulfill my desires. As part of god, she has nothing else to worry about except to surrender all worries.
    Is this escapist? Yes, it is. But that's what pleasure and entertainment is about, isn't it? Sex and sports are, in the end, about pleasure and entertainment. When we have moments to focus on creating pleasure, play with our primal drives, and forget our obligations, we feel freer. It's a mini-vacation from the additional complexity that the world thrusts upon us.
    This is why my friend, AX, has a dirty little fantasy. She wants to be bound, blindfolded and used simply for her three holes by unknown number of people. This isn't simply hot and nasty; it's mini-vacation that's freeing and self-celebratory.
    Objectifications take on many forms. Some are the clay to the artist, others are the pure sexual victims for consenting perpetrators. Still others are transformed to pets or to furniture. Certain forms of D/s and Master/slave relationships take on qualities of objectification as well.
    There is a huge difference, however, between the erotic objectification we're discussing and the every day objectification of women by the world. That hurts. It hurts because the woman did not consent nor set up the situation. It hurts because those objectifying her do not see the complexity and richness of who she is. Instead of starting from a place of compassion, love and understanding which is narrowed down to simplicity of symbols, it is a brute force refusal of humanity with no room for seeing the whole person. It is a weapon used to attack others in order to protect the fragile offender. Instead of celebrating complexity, it comes from the fear of complexity.
    Do you get off on consensual erotic objectification? I do.

    *~*~*

    Appalled: Cell phones invading sacred arenas.
    During my recent travels, I received a call from a professional dominant who wanted to take a skills tutorial from me. This is something I do for individuals, couples and professional dominants. They receive a customized seminar that's one-on-one. I returned her call and she answered.
    She then told me that she could not speak long as she was in the middle of a session.
    I thought it odd, so I asked her if she actually answered the phone in the MIDDLE of a session. To which she answered that in her 'line of business' she felt she had to do this.
    I found this appalling and rude. It is inconsiderate to the client and unprofessional in general. I found it really insulting to my former craft and profession.
    While we're talking about cell phones: Please, turn off those cell phones in the dungeons.
    I know that when one is playing in an on-line dungeon, one can take calls, chat, and go about in the day to day business, while playing at SM.
    In the real dungeons, sex parties and play parties, it's really in poor form to ruin someone's orgasm or cathartic moment because of the phone ringing or casual chatter with the outside world.

    *~*~*

    Overjoyed! Return of Grand Fetish events to San Francisco
    For a while there, our little Sodom by the Bay seemed to be experiencing a drought of major fetish events. During the dot.com boom years, there seemed to be a serious damper on the fetish party scene here, possibly due to space availability, rising overall living expenses for the freakish types and creeping conservatism.
    Dot.bomb has some benefits, in that freaks, performers, promoters and pervs are coming out of hiding and hibernation from under their PVC rocks and behind rubber bushes.
    Former high tech paper tiger millionaires now have time to come out and play and must be looking for fun and affordable things to do that are uniquely San Francisco, instead of getting the clubs shut down for being noise in the South Of Market area.
    Club Sin is back on the second Friday of every month at The Rawhide on 280 Seventh St. at Folsom St. in San Francisco. Their info line is at 415-626-4561.
    The grapevine's also buzzing with the rumor of the return of Club Slick. I'll keep my ears to the ground for that one!
    Madame S announced the date for the upcoming San Francisco Fetish Ball as April 26th. This promises to be a huge event with international talents flying in. Not all the information's out yet, but stay tuned at their website or call (415) 863-WHIP to get the direct scoop.
    So go out and shop for the sexy new outfits and party away the economic blues and political frustrations!

    Midori

    *~*~*~*

    2. Where to find back issues of Midori's Musings eNewsletter
    If you're new to my eNewsletter list or if you missed one recently you can always read the back issues at www.FHP-inc.com. Just go to my educational web site and click on Newsletter where you'll find the last post as well as the recent archives.
    There you'll find information on the upcoming classes this month in Boston, Minneapollis, Arizona and San Francisco.
    There are a few spots still in the Boston and SF classes, so let me know if you have any questions.


    *~*~*~*

    3. On-line community resource groups
    Have questions about kink, human sexuality, pervy travel info, events question or just want to visit with me?
    Maybe you have an event to post. Maybe you're looking for a job or room mate within the kinky community.
    Please feel free to post in my free discussion groups.
    That's why they're there.
    One is at www.BeautyBound.com and the other is a yahoo group called divamidori

    See you around!

    With pervy wishes
    Midori